The best advice I received during my quest to address cross-dressing issues was to take lots of small, reversible steps. For over ten years that approach helped my wife Marsha and I maintain a healthy balance between making progress while retaining stability and security in our lives. Last year I found that my path had led to a place where small steps were no longer possible. Further progress required abandoning the security of a hidden identity and making a commitment to be much more open and vocal. After a long, thoughtful discussion, we agreed to proceed and launched this series of newsletters that reflect that new path.
My first step was to reveal my story to over 300 people including my grandchildren, former co-workers and friends. The most common response was SURPRISE! No one had any inkling that I was a cross-dresser. I just didn’t fit the profile. That reaction didn’t surprise me because I know thousands of cross-dressers and know that they don’t fit any discernible pattern. The one common thread is that to some extent we all enjoy wearing some articles of women’s clothing at some times. In this case and others, stereotypes contain a kernel of truth but fail miserably in describing the group of people. Everyone has stereotyped views of some groups of people. Since stereotypes are generally inaccurate and can cause great damage, it would be wise to reexamine our stereotypical views rather than continuing to operate on information that is probably invalid.
The second most common response to my announcement was that I showed COURAGE! Webster defines courage as the quality or state of mind or spirit enabling one to face danger or hardship with confidence and resolution. While I never considered myself particularly courageous, if confronting discrimination and injustice is courageous, then we all need to demonstrate courage to some extent. After all, if my rights are violated today, what will prevent your rights from being violated tomorrow?
I have tried to restrict my religious/spiritual comments to my Christian faith but have long felt that the relevant spiritual principles are common to many faith communities. Recently we began attending a course taught by the former Rabbi of Marsha’s temple. He is a wonderful teacher and, as usual, his words left me reexamining my views. I still cannot speak religious doctrine for Jews or Muslims but what came out of these thoughts with greater clarity is that in a purely spiritual sense, our faith traditions share the same basic beliefs:
Belief in God and the need to love and honor God in our lives.
Belief that every human being is a child of God and is due our respect and love.
For those dual beliefs to have value, they need to be applied to our daily lives. Last December, after a 31-year struggle, the state of New York passed a bill that extended civil rights to gays and lesbians. The event was hailed as a great victory, and it was, but consider how far our country still has to go. Only 12 other states have granted gays and lesbians civil rights. Even in this important step, New York fell short because it didn’t include transgendered people. Was the Declaration of Independence wrong in declaring, "ALL men are created equal?" Is the ending of the pledge of allegiance, "with liberty and justice for ALL" more semantics than substance?
Today, many still maintain that society must resist the "gay agenda" as though it is an evil plot to overthrow our system of government and religion. Well, there is a gay agenda, but it certainly isn’t an evil plot. That agenda is quite simply to affirm that gays have the same civil rights as every other citizen. The lesbian agenda asks for the same protection. So does the transgendered agenda. And the women’s agenda. And the black agenda. And the Irish agenda. Until prejudice and injustice and discrimination are ended for all people, none of us are truly free.
A good place to start applying our beliefs is to oppose discrimination and injustice wherever and whenever we find it. Discrimination and injustice won’t end because a new law is passed. That will happen as each of us begins to change internally. The change grows stronger and more pervasive one person at a time. Each of us has different issues that touch us personally. Each of us can fight for our personal cause while embracing the general principle of justice for All. Each of us has different abilities, time constraints and financial muscle. Each of us can help in our own way. So watch for a case of discrimination or injustice coming to a location near you. When it does, instead of simply saying, "That’s too bad;" find a way to confront the problem. It is through the steps you take that society will be changed.
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