In April, I announced that after twenty-five years with my company, I would be retiring on July 1st. The standard question that nearly everyone asked me was, "What are you going to do?" I was unready to share my whole story so I told a series of partial truths and carefully omitted any references to my second career. I wanted to tell them more, but I didn’t want it to be just another story about coming out of my personal closet and my future direction still wasn’t clear to me. In time I began to see more clearly the path that I really want to follow in the future. That path is what I now want to tell them about. That same path is what I now want to tell you about. This is that path.
For over ten years I have been a voice in support of transvestites or cross-dressers, a group that is saddled with a largely undeserved, negative stereotypical view. This group of people has learned to hide the truth in fear of the consequences. When the truth has become known, many were laughed at or openly derided. Some lost their jobs and families. Others were expelled from their churches. A few were even subjected to physical attacks. Perhaps the most insidious effect is the unnecessary pain that they have experienced as a by-product of their rejection by others. In a tragic number of cases, that pain has led to emotional problems and various forms of substance abuse. In extreme cases it has even led to suicide.
Following a prolonged and difficult search, I was finally able to reach a personal understanding of my own propensity for cross-dressing. Only then was I able to place it into an appropriate perspective in my life. After achieving personal acceptance that it was just one of many facets of my character, I was able to tell my family and close friends about it. That telling was an incredible relief. The secret was finally ended.
I then started writing and speaking about it to help others overcome their painful experiences. I adopted the pen name Rachel Miller to protect my identity. Initially I addressed the social implications and later the religious aspects of cross-dressing. Much of my writing has focused on explaining this phenomenon so people could understand us better. I also developed a series of strong, logical social and religious defenses for this practice. These arguments demonstrate that cross-dressers are unjustly discriminated against by society and by the Christian church. Yet, through all of this effort, I continued to guard my secret existence very carefully out of concern for the repercussions.
My experiences in being on the receiving end of strong disapproval have given me an increased empathy for anyone who is different in any way. I am learning to set aside prejudicial or stereotypical views and look at each person as a unique and valued human being. I am learning to listen to and understand points of view that are unlike mine. I am learning to accept others as simply being different rather than passing judgment on that difference as being wrong or bad. I am learning that in some way, we are all different.
One unexpected outcome of telling my story has been the response of those I’ve told. By telling a deep, meaningful issue, I made myself open and vulnerable. My willingness to entrust others with my story has increased their trust in me. As a result, many have told stories of their own personal burdens that they have never been able to share with others. They experienced profound relief at being able to tell the truth without fearing a negative response. This sharing and telling process has created many extremely close personal bonds. I’ve been repeatedly surprised by how many of us carry heavy emotional loads and suffer silently not knowing how to share our burdens or with whom to share them.
After years of focusing on cross-dressing issues, I finally realized that this pattern of discrimination is virtually identical to the one that gays and lesbians face. It also became apparent that throughout our history continuing up to today, similar patterns have been evident with every imaginable group of people from Blacks to women to Jews to Irish to mentally ill to over weight people to short people to Muslims since 9-11 to… Anyone who is perceived as different from whatever society considers "normal" becomes discriminated against. While my personal experience of the pattern was as a cross-dresser, the problem is obviously much broader.
Given the similarity in problems, the best way to effectively help cross-dressers is to address the core issues that affect everyone who has experienced discriminatory behavior. Discrimination against cross-dressers isn’t the problem. Discrimination is the problem.
It also became clear that rather than amassing increasingly more intricate legalistic or logical arguments, it is necessary to return to the underlying principles that guide, or ought to guide, our behavior. Unless we can reach agreement on some overarching principles, we have no chance of agreeing on the resulting behaviors. While there are many common threads in our principles, each of us have somewhat different principles based on many factors including our race, national origin, religious beliefs, culture, economic condition, education and other factors. So even agreeing on some basic principles is far from an easy task.
Recognizing our differences, I can only speak with authority with respect to my own personal beliefs. My most basic principles on a societal level spring from the Declaration of Independence, and my most basic principle on a spiritual level springs from the Gospels.
The foundation of my country, the United States, is encapsulated in the Declaration of Independence – LIBERTY & JUSTICE!
"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. --That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed…
"And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor."
All of us are created equal. All of us were given certain absolute rights by our Creator. All of us have the undeniable right to life, liberty and the reasonable pursuit of personal happiness as long as we don’t infringe on the corresponding rights of others. Anyone who discriminates against any other person violates this country’s founding principles. No one who is being persecuted by society needs to justify themselves. We all have the same claim to liberty and justice as our critics.
Every time we pledge allegiance to our flag, we repeat the same mantra, "…with liberty and justice for all!"
The horrific events of 9-11 have caused many to return to our historic roots. Perhaps President George W. Bush said it best in his anniversary address from Ellis Island where immigrants fleeing every manner of oppression sought safety:
"Our deepest national conviction is that every life is precious, because every life is the gift of a creator who intended us to live in liberty and equality.
"More than anything else, this separates us from the enemy we fight. We value every life…And we seek the freedom and opportunity that give meaning and value to life.
"There is a line in our time, and in every time, between those who believe that all men are created equal, and those who believe that some men, and women, and children are expendable in the pursuit of power.
"There is a line in our time, and in every time, between the defenders of human liberty, and those who seek to master the minds and souls of others. Our generation has now heard history’s call, and we will answer it…
"I believe there is a reason that history has matched this nation with this time. America strives to be tolerant and just. We respect the faith of Islam, even as we fight those whose actions defile that faith. We fight, not to impose our will, but to defend ourselves and extend the blessings of freedom…
"Our country is strong. And our cause is even larger than our country. Ours is the cause of human dignity: freedom guided by conscience, and guarded by peace.
"This ideal of America is the hope of all mankind. That hope drew millions to this harbor. That hope still lights our way. And the light shines in the darkness. And the darkness will not overcome it.
"May God bless America."
The President very eloquently reconfirmed our founding principles of liberty and justice for all. Not for most. Not for some. Not for those who think the way I do. Not for those I like. But for All! How then can we possibly justify excluding any group of people?
The foundation of my religion, Christianity, is encapsulated in the Gospel of Jesus Christ – LOVE!
"Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: ‘Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?’ Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.’" Matthew, Chapter 22, Verses 34-40
We are all children of God and are all loved by God. We are to be known by our love for God and for each other. Jesus’ words and stories such as the Good Samaritan make it clear that anyone who discriminates against any person violates Christianity’s founding principles. No one who is being persecuted by the church needs to justify themselves. We all have the same claim to love as our critics.
Jesus was simply reaffirming a long-standing Jewish tradition from the Torah. The events of 9-11 have brought forth similar calls for love, peace, understanding and justice from virtually every major religious group. How then can some leaders in the Christian church possibly justify loving only some and excluding other groups of people?
The principles of liberty, justice and love merge into a simple, understandable concept – The Golden Rule. If in every action that I take, I keep in mind the concept of treating others the way I wish to be treated, all of the principles are met. I just have to recognize the brotherhood and sisterhood of human kind. We truly are FAMILY! Who would willingly exclude themselves from that family? How then can I exclude someone?
Oppression is born when a society or a religious system stifles information and penalizes discussion. Any system that is so weak that it cannot stand before thoughtful dialog is unworthy of our loyalty. If my country or my religion must hide the truth, it does not deserve my support. If I discriminate against any group, I help to create a divisive society that inevitably becomes increasingly divisive. But if I practice liberty, justice and love, I help to create an inclusive society that inevitably become increasingly inclusive.
My wife is Jewish, and we recently observed Yom Kippur or the Day of Atonement. It is a time to look back and reflect on what we have done that was not good and may have inflicted pain on others. It is a time to repent for those wrong doings. Besides looking back in sorrow, it is equally important to look forward with optimism. It is the beginning of a New Year and a time to pledge to start fresh. It is a time to acknowledge shortcomings and to commit to doing better in the future.
Several people wrote notes in my retirement book expressing their appreciation for my efforts to act ethically in the corporate world. People close to me who consistently demonstrate highly principled living in challenging, high profile professions such as financial management, politics and religion has also tremendously encouraged me. Each of them demonstrates that it is possible to be both principled and successful. Through their examples they encourage me to continue to strive to do a better job in applying these core principles in my own life. I also believe that part of what I am called to do is to encourage others to consider these and other principles that guide their lives.
If I am to have anything meaningful to say, as a first step I must become more open about who I am. I was born in 1941 and raised in a small town in Wisconsin. I graduated from Marquette University. I was a commissioned Naval Officer and served nearly four years on active duty including a one-year tour in Saigon. I was introduced to the computing field in Milwaukee and moved to the San Francisco Bay Area in 1972. I retired from corporate America in July. I have been married for 17 years (second marriage for both). We have three adult sons and two incredible grandchildren.
As a second step, I must be able to tell my story to the people I know. Therefore, I have expanded the distribution of this mailing to include more family members and friends who know me through work or other social interactions.
So, returning to the original question, "What am I going to do?" I’ll spend time lying on my favorite beaches, playing with my grandkids and traveling with my wife. I will also use my experiences as a cross-dresser to work for liberty, justice and love for all. I want to make those principles increasingly evident in my life. I want to encourage others to make them, or versions based on their country or religious values, increasingly evident in their lives. I want to do what I can to eliminate the unnecessary pain of rejection that so many have experienced. That is what I wanted to tell you. That is my path.
Return to We
Hold These Truths
