One Family
It is difficult to end discrimination because no one feels that his or her actions are actually discriminatory. We see some people as sinners who deserve to be condemned. We see others as bad and thus not deserving of good treatment. We see still others as just too dumb, too lazy, too fat, too poor, too ugly, too addicted to drugs and alcohol, too involved with sex, too caught up in problems that are their own fault, so they don’t deserve to be treated like us either. They are getting what they deserve so it isn’t discrimination; it’s justice!
We are fine. We may have some small quirks but nothing serious. It’s always some other person who has a problem that must be fixed in order to earn treatment equal to ours.
I started learning these life lessons in church as a youngster. I learned that anyone who wasn’t a Catholic was damned to Hell for eternity. Since these misguided people had failed to join God’s chosen church; they should be considered enemies of God, so there was no reason to treat them with dignity and respect.
The church also taught that women were to be subservient to men. We should treat them nicely as long as they remembered their place. If they stepped out of line, then it was our obligation to put them back where they belonged.
My whole town was involved in teaching the hierarchy of groups of people. I learned that the itinerant Mexican farm workers who harvested the vegetable crops in late summer deserved to be poor because they were inferior. They were fortunate to get any job at any wage and certainly didn’t deserve food, housing or medical care comparable to ours.
I learned that Blacks were lazy criminals on drugs who only cared about sports and sex and therefore deserved to live in the slums. We had provided a great favor by abolishing slavery and giving them the right to vote. We certainly didn’t owe them any more.
Through hundreds of “Pollack” jokes, I learned that people of Polish descent were too stupid to be treated like others. Ironically, many Protestants, who were relegated to hell by Catholics, often joined those same Catholics to poke fun at the Poles, most of whom were actually Catholics themselves. Strangely enough, no one seemed to notice the multiple contradictions inherent in those situations.
But, as I matured, I began to see some of the obvious problems with each of the stereotypes. Most of the kids I played with weren’t Catholic, yet they seemed to treat people better than many Catholics did. I saw women exhibit wonderful qualities such as love, kindness and compassion that seemed absent from most men’s lives. I saw migrant farm workers toil harder for less money and with fewer complaints. At college I formed friendships with many Blacks who were surprisingly like everyone else. My cousin married a Polish girl and, amazingly, her whole family was not only very nice but smart too. Something was terribly wrong with these stereotypes, yet I never challenged any of them.
I had discovered at an early age that I liked to wear women’s dresses and was painfully aware that the church and society condemned such actions. Common wisdom dictated that any man who wore a dress must be a sinner and mentally ill, so no one could possibly be guilty of discrimination towards people like me. But, this time I was the person placed outside the acceptable mainstream. This time I was the object of stereotyping. This time I felt discriminated against.
Our country was founded on the principle that all men were created equal. What that really meant was that all white, male, Protestant landowners were created equal. Gradually we have expanded the doctrine of equality to embrace more people. But, we continue to believe that some members of society are “less equal than others,” and thus justify treating them differently.
Isn’t it possible that every person really is endowed with the inalienable right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness?
Every major religious system subscribes to a version of the Golden Rule, so why do they treat members of other religions so badly? Often it’s because they believe that they are the sole owners of all spiritual truth. Since they have the truth, everyone else is wrong and treating them differently is God’s will.
Isn’t it possible that humans are incapable of fully understanding God and that every religious system may have discovered part of the truth?
I realized that I had a fundamental choice to make. The easier choice would be to continue to reassert my superiority and right-ness, continue stereotyping groups of people, and continue to use those prejudices to justify treating them differently. Or, I could make a radical departure and select the more difficult path. I could drop my pretenses of some form of superior status and follow the basic principles of my faith and of my country and accept EVERYONE as a member in good standing of the human family.
I decided to take the “One Family” approach knowing that as soon as I excluded any group, I jumped off the justice track and returned to discrimination. I know it will be a lifetime task to banish prejudice from my life, but that nothing less will suffice. It doesn’t mean that I have to like everyone. It doesn’t mean that I have to approve of everything that they do. It doesn’t mean that I am wrong.
It does mean that I must treat them the way I want to be treated – with dignity and respect and full rights!
