Many people find great comfort in surrounding themselves with familiar people, things and activities. In time that environment becomes what they consider to be normal and normal equates to good. When they are exposed to something that is different from what they have become accustomed to, it is typically viewed as being bad. It doesn't take long for most people to become fearful of bad things. If an event occurs that adds any credence to those fears, they can quickly burst into flames of hate which frequently lead to some sort of violence.
Most cross-dressers have been on the receiving end of different, bad, fear, hate or violence. Ironically, we have almost certainly also been on the giving end in other circumstances. These are common, emotional responses. For the most part, the people who view us as different aren't hate mongers but ordinary people much like ourselves, often driven by fear and insecurity.
Since our lives are deeply affected by this cycle, a question to consider is how to get people to see that being different isn't good or bad but just different? Is there something that we can do to break that cycle of fear, hate and violence? If we accept the premise that ignorance leads to fear and prejudice, then one of the primary tools we have available is to educate others so they can know, understand and become more comfortable with us.
Ultimately, the public must find out who we are. As long as we stay hidden in the closet and play by the existing social rules, nothing will change. Educating others is difficult, but there is absolutely no substitute since society isn't going to change on its own. It requires commitment and courage to challenge the status quo and achieve an open, accepting society.
One of the hardest lessons for me to learn is that I can make a difference. My natural tendency has been to complain about problems but not get involved. As a result nothing would happen. In recent years I finally began getting involved. Each time that I achieved tangible results it reinforced the message that individual action has an impact.
It's actually the power of one person that creates the most lasting changes. A huge throng makes headlines, but a faceless sea of people doesn't normally touch a person's heart. It is easy to group unknown people into a generalized view and not treat them as individuals. We've all seen the negative effects of stereotyping Blacks, Latinos, women, gays and us. Those stereotypes begin to fail when individuals show that they don't fit the pattern.
Suppose you come out of your gender closet to your best friend. Your action causes the ice of your friend's closed-to-transvestites mind to begin to crack. By not fitting the perceived pattern, you alter your friend's attitude. Maybe it's a small alteration, but it is irrevocable.
Many people's minds are closed to new ideas, and those closed minds appear to be guarded by an impenetrable icy surface. But that surface can be a surprisingly thin veneer that isn't strong enough to resist any substantial pressure. As each of us steps forward, the ice melts a little. Eventually the protective coating collapses and new ideas and attitudes flood into the mind. Once they get in, the mind can never be fully closed again.
Ending the prejudice towards transvestites will take many lifetimes, but each step will make the situation better. The more steps each of us take and the more of us who take steps, the faster things will get better. I have learned that the education of society is my job, and it is vitally important because it will cause constructive transformations. I'm learning that by changing my behavior and confronting bigotry in a constructive way, I am discouraging its repetition.
You may be only one person, but you are the only person for the job of changing the views of the people who know you. What are you going to do to educate your part of society and break the cycle?
You don't have to create a giant organization with global goals or launch a massive project. Major transformations result when a large number of individuals each take small steps. Each of us can take steps that will make a difference. Start with a small step. The best advice I have received is to take many small steps.
Attend a Tri-Ess event, meet new friends, have a good time and grow personally.
Donate a book or magazine that presents transvestism truthfully to your local library. Support the Tri-Ess book placement program.
Place supportive materials in locations where members of the public will see them. Consider the waiting rooms in medical offices.
Insert notes in library books on transvestites that identify resources like Tri-Ess that provide help in gender-related issues.
Follow the ideals expressed in Random Kindness & Senseless Acts of Beauty by Ann Herbert and perform an act of kindness for no reason at all.
Write a constructive article for a local newspaper or magazine.
Tell someone about your feminine characteristics. Choose the circumstances carefully to control the process and use the opportunity to discuss the issue.
Challenge people to rethink their assumptions by playing the part of a 5-year old and keep asking, Why? followed by Why Not?
Shop for women's clothing and tell the clerk that the purchase is for you.
Instead of trying to pass as a woman, select a situation to appear as a "man in a dress."
Make a public appearance. Many chapters have educational programs and need volunteers to appear on radio and television programs or to give talks at schools and organizations.
What small step could you take?
