Self-acceptance, to acknowledge myself exactly as I am, is a prerequisite for becoming a healthy, integrated person. As Suzanne Kilkus said so eloquently in a recent talk, acceptance means, "What is, is!" Call it a reality check but beyond that it means reaching the realization that with all of my quirks and shortcomings, I am okay. I'm not perfect, but I don't have to justify my imperfections. I don't even have to pledge to fix them. I just have to acknowledge that they exist.
For good mental health, we need to learn to think positively about ourselves. There are signs everywhere with slogans about what happiness is. Happiness is __________ (fill in the blank). Those signs and slogans are fine, but a slogan that we ought to promote for greater self-healing is: True happiness is accepting yourself as you are. How can we improve our ability to think more positively about ourselves?
Respect yourself and be proud of who you are rather than trying to be like someone else
Explore and appreciate your own talents as your special gifts
Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings and trust them enough to act on what you think is right and makes you feel happy
Become your best friend and learn to love yourself as a unique individual
Learning to accept myself continues (as in not done yet) to be one of the most difficult tasks I have ever undertaken. I haven't found a shortcut or a quick fix. I haven't found anyone who could do it for me. Yet for all the difficulty, working through this process has improved my life in ways I never imagined. I started by being true to myself and that was difficult. I was afraid that I might not like what I would find, however I was hurting badly enough to start. Once I stopped pretending and faced the truth even the parts of me that I didn't like so much began to soften and change. In retrospect my only regret is not starting sooner.
Before he died, Leo Buscaglia was kind enough to allow me to quote some priceless wisdom about self-acceptance from his book, Living, Loving, & Learning. He was talking about how we often try to be what others expect of us, a banana, rather than what we were created to be, a peach. Leo offered a different, far better approach. "Isn't it all right to say to them, ‘I am so sorry I cannot be a banana. I would love to be a banana if I could for you, but I'm a peach.’ And you know what? If you wait long enough, you'll find a peach lover. And then you can live your life as a peach, and you don't have to live your life as a banana. All the lost energy it takes to be a banana, when you're a peach."
Many of us are beautiful, luscious peaches trying desperately to live up to society's view of a banana. We would be healthier peaches if we took control of our lives and stopped living as others expect. We could shed some of our not-so-wonderful-banana-traits if we learned about our true selves and then let that spirit free. Each of us has tremendous gifts locked inside that could benefit ourselves and the world yet most of us hold back for one reason or another. Transvestism seemed like a good reason to hold back. It was my "private devil" until I learned to accept it as an integral part of me. Everyone has their own version of a "private devil." When we learn to accept ours along with our neighbors', everyone can quit pretending and be themselves.
You might like the real you, so why not let that person out and give yourself a chance to know you. You might be surprised how positively others react to the real you, so why not let that person out and give them a chance to know you. Don't you know that you are okay just the way you are...a beautiful peach.
"The supreme happiness of life
is the conviction of being loved for yourself,
or, more correctly,
being loved in spite of yourself."
Victor Hugo
