From our initial meeting, Marsha and I shared our thoughts and feelings -- it was great preparation. Although we worked for the same company, we didn't know each other. We rode the same train but stood at different places on the platform. One night I was discussing business with a coworker and continued our conversation onto the train. He normally rode with Marsha and introduced us. I said hello but continued our business. When he got off, Miss Manners said -- talk to her -- we connected instantly.
The next night, without a business pretext, I continued my talk with Marsha. These "innocent" meetings continued for months until that fateful day when I invited her to dinner. Then I was hopelessly smitten and pursued her with poems, notes and gifts until she allowed me to catch her.
Marriage followed and happiness filled my life. She was so wonderful I was convinced that my cross-dressing devil would be defeated. I was mystified when, instead of going away, the urges remained strong. I loved her so much and our relationship was so strong that one night I just blurted out my feelings. She struggled with the idea but agreed to let me experiment with cross-dressing. After several events at home we went away for the weekend. I had a beautiful outfit, she helped me with makeup and we strolled the darkened streets. Some teens read me and laughed hysterically. I was unable to handle the ridicule and told Marsha I never wanted to do it again. BUT, the urges came back.
I had everything -- a wonderful wife, great family, good job, nice home, everything except internal peace. In absolute desperation I determined to understand my cross-dressing and thus began a frightening journey that led to self-understanding and ultimately self-acceptance.
My fear came from not knowing myself. I had major sexual questions. Was I transsexual? Gay? Bisexual? I didn't understand my emotions and feelings either. Who was the person hiding beneath the facade I had built over the years? Fortunately I found resources that helped -- Tapestry, Virginia Prince's books and transvestite correspondents. They helped me get inside my head and heart and discover myself, free of judgments and stereotypes. I discovered that there wasn't anything wrong with me. Society had made me feel bad by telling me that I was bad. They were wrong. Once freed from those prejudicial views, I found a person I really liked -- ME!
I didn't have to hide my feelings. I could be compassionate and gentle, yet remain strong. I could take the best of what the world calls feminine and include it in my life while remaining a man. I could have it all! Now I could finally tell Marsha the whole story. It was a great relief. As we talked about the issues, she asked me to record what we found. Those ideas seemed helpful for others going through the process so she encouraged me to write The Bliss of Becoming One!.
We learned the truth about the major issues. That a man's cross-dressing tendencies are an integral part of his total personality and need expression. That there is nothing intrinsically wrong with those tendencies even though they are not generally accepted by society. Perhaps most importantly, that he must learn to understand and accept himself as he is. Revelation of cross-dressing causes great anxiety for the wife. It is an enormous change with uncertain consequences. However, by making some basic commitments, the husband can relieve much of the stress. Important commitments include --
Remain her husband, don't become her girl friend.
Don't jeopardize their current life style to indulge his gender desires.
Obtain his partner's agreement before taking any gender-related steps.
Balance his desires with those of his partner.
It is a challenging, never-ending journey. It is wise to take many small, reversible steps. It is necessary to communicate, communicate and communicate....
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