Rachel Miller
In the months preceding and following my retirement in July, 2002, the most serious question that I had to answer was, "What am I going to do?" After extensive thought and discussion, my wife Marsha (who retired at the same time) and I made some key decisions. We’ll travel, play with our grandkids, and spend time lying on our favorite beaches. Very importantly, beyond having fun, I will also use my experiences as a cross-dresser to work for liberty, justice and love for all. I want to make those principles increasingly evident in my life. I want to encourage others to make them increasingly evident in their lives. I want to do what I can to eliminate the unnecessary pain of rejection that so many have experienced.
I subscribe to the belief that education is the key to changing the current environment. My many speaking engagements have focused on informing others and engaging in dialog. In addition to many LGBT community events, I have held programs at Diablo Valley College, Pacific School of Religion, San Jose State University, Sonoma State University and St. Mary's College. I have worked with many individuals and organizations to develop appropriate programs for their situation.
Speaking Engagements Published In Pictures
I am a married, heterosexual male cross-dresser (transvestite) who has struggled to understand the nature of my feminine side. For most of my life I held good-paying jobs as a computer professional and manager in several prestigious companies. If you knew me you would consider me a respectable member of the community and never guess that I am a transvestite. I hid that fact for 50 years out of shame and fear of rejection.
Society has imposed arbitrary links between our birth sex and gender expression. If you were born male as I was, you are expected to look, dress and act in a certain manner. Wearing a skirt and heels, as I occasionally do, fails by a wide margin to meet those male standards. Instead, it causes me to encroach upon the set of standards that have been established for those who were born female. When we fail to meet those standards, society tells us that there is something wrong with us. As a result, we suppress our true selves and live in anguish and isolation. In 1991 out of sheer desperation I began a quest for relief that led to the discovery of the truth about myself.
Many of the answers I found are applicable to other cross-dressers, both men and women. The same principles can apply to male and female transsexuals, gays and lesbians. My writings dispel many of the myths that surround this community and encourage members to integrate their feminine and masculine traits. I promote emotional health, wholeness and unity through better understanding, self-acceptance, sharing ourselves with loved ones and helping others in the community. I encourage transgendered individuals and groups to work together to achieve our rightful place in society. Unless you live alone in a cave, one of your closest friends is transgendered and is dying inside because he or she cannot tell you. He needs to find the courage to tell you, and you need to find the insight to accept him as he really is.
My book The Bliss of Becoming One, published by Rainbow Books in 1996, helps others in the transgender community to find wholeness and helps to educate society about the true nature of people like myself. Since then, along with my wife Marsha, we have played an ever-increasing role in the helping and educating process. We do as many things together as possible to demonstrate that gender activities can be integrated into our lives and need not be kept separate. More recently my focus began to turn towards the spiritual issues of cross-dressers. That view has since expanded to embrace anyone who feels excluded from the mainstream of traditional Christianity.
I have made many presentations at various gender events since my gender community debut in 1996. I have spoken on college campuses (some typical student comments), at book stores and appeared on talk radio shows. I have met with medical professionals and religious leaders to help educate them regarding gender issues. I have published a continuous series of Email newsletters since 1996. Transgender/Tapestry, the community's leading magazine, refers to me as the author of a community best seller and a voluminous contributor to the TG (transgender) press.
I wrote quarterly articles for The (Femme) Mirror for ten years and for the former Transgender Community Forum of AOL for over 4 years. Numerous articles have appeared in ConnecticuTView, Gay Today, Gender Talk North, Grace & Lace Letter International, Gulf Gender Alliance, Hope Magazine, PsychNet-UK, Renaissance News & Views, Southern Gay Broadcasting Network, (The) Slant, Transgender Tapestry, Transgendered, Whosoever, Zion’s Herald, and countless other gender and gay/lesbian publications. For 2 years Marsha and I collaborated on a quarterly column addressing the issues of couples in The Sweetheart Connection. Many of the articles have been translated into Czech and Spanish.
Before my retirement, Marsha and I were very concerned about our jobs. As a result we maintained a low profile. Once we retired, we both agreed that if I am to have anything meaningful to say, as a first step I must become more open about who I am. So in November, 2002 I came fully out of the closet. Here are the particulars.
I was born in 1941 and raised in a small town in Wisconsin. My earliest recollection of cross-dressing is from age 5, "Rosie and Me and Mom's Closet Makes Three." I graduated from Marquette University. I was a commissioned Naval Officer and served nearly four years on active duty including a one-year tour in Saigon. I was introduced to the computing field in Milwaukee and moved to the San Francisco Bay Area in 1972. I retired from corporate America in July, 2002. I have been married to Marsha since 1985 (second marriage for both). We have three adult sons and two incredible grandchildren.
I started my web site as a place for cross-dressers and other transgendered people. I use the term transgendered to include everyone who in any way is trying to bend, shift or break the culturally enforced link between sex and gender expression. Terms such as androgynous, bisexual, cross-dresser, cross-gendered, drag king, drag queen, female-to-male, gay, hermaphrodite, homosexual, intersexual, lesbian, male-to-female, transgenderist, transsexual, transvestite are all included. I don't knowingly exclude anyone. If you think you belong, then you do. If you consider yourself a cross-dresser or transgendered, have a friend or loved one who is or are simply interested in the subject, the material I developed provides a serious, balanced discussion of some of the issues that concern us all. The web site gradually expanded to include issues faced by all transgendered people as well as gays and lesbians. Spiritual issues began to predominate since 1999. Now the site is dealing with the issues of discrimination and injustice for all people on both a social and spiritual level.
