The men trudge in grim-faced. There's no joking about Dilbert, no bragging about sexual conquests, no cheering about the World Series. They are painfully aware of the critical importance of these MS-DOS meetings. As Carl approaches the podium silence envelopes the room.
"We all know the problem; what we need are solutions. Saying men can't wear dresses while ignoring women wearing pants has been getting progressively more difficult to defend ever since Rosie the Riveter took over our factories in '42. And comments about confusing God's plan for the separation of men and women actually comes off as sexist and works against us.
"The best approach seems to be the fear angle that we talked about last time. We've got to convince women that cross-dressers, transsexuals and gays are infiltrating their ranks and undermining womanhood and women's rights. We've got to make women believe that men in dresses and other "female" clothing are dangerous to them. We've got to make women afraid of these people. Then we can claim that we are defending women -- We aren't against men in dresses; we are against what the conspiracy of men in dresses is doing to degrade womanhood. That's the high road, that's the strategy. Now, what tactics might be effective? Yes, Bill..."
The discussion intensifies as the magnitude of the problem and the price of failure become clearer. Alan drifts off in thought...
If we could only go back to the good old days when we kept women barefoot and pregnant. They were happy with any small concession we gave them. Now they're taking senior management jobs and telling their husbands to help clean house and take care of the kids. They've not only got college sports teams but professionals on national television. They are taking over our territory. If it becomes okay for guys to wear dresses and be compassionate instead of wearing pants and being tough, it will just continue to blur the line of separation between us and them. We're supposed to be in charge. Women are supposed to obey us. Oh man, we've got to stop these guys from wearing dresses.
...Alan returns to full consciousness just as Carl wraps up the tactical discussion.
"Okay then. The committee will work out the details of the top five proposals and have them ready for discussion and action next week. It is important that you are here for that meeting. Meanwhile, we must be careful that it never appears that we are trying to preserve our positions of power. Any hint that we are trying to slow the advance of women in society would be a disaster."
Carl paused and the familiar beep-beep of a computer powering up filled the room.
"Remember! Never write down what MS-DOS stands for! Never say it out loud! Only whisper it to another member and then be absolutely certain that no one else hears you. Okay, see you all next week."
The men trudge out, determined to be successful and equally determined to conceal their true goals.
Of course this entire story is fictional. No one cares if a man wears a dress, and there certainly isn't a secret society called Men Say -- Defend Our Superiority. Besides, everyone knows that men have been slaving tirelessly for the equality of women since Alfred Lord Tennyson sounded the drumbeat 150 years ago --
"Man for the field and woman for the hearth:
Man for the sword and for the needle she:
Man with the head and woman with the heart:
Man to command and woman to obey;
All else confusion."
