According to the commercials that cute pink Energizer bunny never runs out of energy. He keeps banging that drum; Boom, Boom, Boom, and just keeps going and going and going... Lately I have been feeling more like there's a big hole in my drum and it sounds more like Boom, ..boom, . . b.o..o..m.... and I'm going, going, gone...
Early in June my energy level was draining fast and I didn't know where to go to plug in to power-up. My schedule was busy. Marsha and I were visiting several friends in Pittsburgh. I was speaking Thursday morning at the BeAll conference and again at the author's luncheon. Everything went smoothly but I was exhausted and crashed that afternoon. The lure of a tour of the Andy Warhol Museum and a river boat dinner cruise got me out of the hotel. Little did I suspect that the recharging of my rundown batteries was about to begin.
The nap helped physically but my emotional fatigue remained. As you may have heard, corporate America isn't on a campaign to develop compassion towards employees. At times it seems that they are preparing people for a limbo contest. How low can you go.
Perhaps the BeAll organizers are psychic and had seen through my desire to conduct a personal pity-party because there seemed to be a conspiracy to force me to abandon those plans. We boarded first class buses at the hotel and left on time for the museum. On time -- Yeah! Good start. Despite my best efforts to resist, the level of excitement was so high on the bus that it began to rub off. They had the nerve to supply enthusiastic, highly-knowledgeable docents to guide us through the museum. That made it extraordinarily interesting and time flashed by.
Back on the bus and off to the Liberty Belle dinner cruise up the three rivers (can anybody spell Allegheny, Monongahela and Ohio?) Great food. Great scenery. Pittsburgh is actually gorgeous. Dancing. Friends. Fun. By the end of the night I was tired but my drum beats were picking up their rhythm. This was great but I still had no idea what an impact the rest of the event would have.
The first big impact was about issues and people who get between me and my goals. Ellie Altman started the thinking about confronting what she described as the toxic people we all know and said that we need to "take the power away from those who use it negatively and with control." I knew she was right but wasn't clear how that applied to me.
On Friday afternoon Elise DeLong and Wendi Miller described the difference one person can make as they virtually single-handedly changed the discrimination laws in Pittsburgh to protect the transgendered. They worked within the system but also acknowledged that its OK to get in the face of those who stand in the way when a reasonable approach fails.
Alison Laing topped it off by helping us learn who we are, where we are going and what is getting in the way of achieving our goals. I resolved to apply what I learned to my work situation and over the past two weeks have made some real progress. I don't know how it will turn out, but I feel stronger and more in control of my destiny It's a good feeling.
The second major change was to really be true to my unique self AND to honor the unique expressions of self that others employ, especially when they are different from mine. The lessons came in waves on Saturday morning starting with Dr. James Huggins' discussion of how we often allow people to make us feel guilt and shame because of our transgendered nature.
I sat in stunned silence at the next session as Dr. Randi Ettner painted a detailed picture of my childhood and how without realizing it I had allowed social conventions to break off the feminine side of my character and induce shame about myself.
Jointly James and Randi had already convinced me to be more true to myself but more reinforcement arrived with Dr. Richard Docter (I love that name.) He helped me understand that gender identity isn't an either/or proposition but a continuum of self images and gender roles and that while labels are useful, they are largely arbitrary.
At the end of the session two cross-dressers complained that they had been chastised, one for using his male name on his name tag and the other for coming to the front desk of the hotel one morning without a wig (can you imagine?) Richard spoke eloquently of the need for us to accept all gender expressions not just our personal favorites.
I was so moved by this sequence of events that I washed out my great head of curls created by Rachel Galen, removed all my makeup, replaced Rachel with Richard on my name tag and went to dinner wearing my best Nordstrom dress. I was never more my true self than on Saturday night. It just felt right.
The third key was a greater awareness of the importance of friendship -- deepening and renewing old ones and starting new ones. Most of us live parts of our lives on the fringes of society and need of friendships with those who truly understand and accept us. A conference is a safe place where that can happen. We need each other and what a great environment to build friendships.
Is your boom, boom slowing down? Is your bunny emotionally spent? Are you hanging around a bunch of toxic people? Then get ye to a conference. Sign up NOW! You need it. You deserve it. You'll benefit!
"The wave of the future is not the conquest of the world by
a single dogmatic creed,
But the liberation of the diverse energies of free nations
and free men."
John Fitzgerald Kennedy
