It isn't possible to define a set of "rules" that will fit every situation. If people approach the subject with an open, understanding heart, they will probably find the best answer for that particular situation. But if someone insists on their rights and fails to recognize the legitimate needs of someone else who is in a different place, conflict is likely to result.
I have come a long way in my personal growth and now welcome inclusion but I wasn't always like that. Had someone tried to force me to be inclusive, I would have rebelled. I had to take a long road to get here. Others are still far down that same road.
In essence I am advocating the retention of both open groups and restricted groups as a means to meet the requirements of everyone at their point of need. We are all in different places and stages in our development. Some are very frightened and exposure to other groups might be harmful to their growth. Hopefully, over time, they will be able to deal with others. Meanwhile I don't think we should try to force everyone to deal with everyone.
Resistance is part of the human condition. Sometimes it stems from being insecure and can be overcome with time and nurturing. Sometimes it stems from a disregard for the condition of others. People like that can cause great harm and damage to individuals and groups and causes. My goal is to help people get better and stronger. Sometimes it is very frustrating to see how closed in people are but then I reflect on my past and realize that I have been there and I changed -- it just takes a long time.
I personally enjoy open groups but recognize the need for others to have a more selective place in order to be comfortable. I want to challenge them to move out further into the community even if that isn't comfortable -- growth isn't comfortable but it is necessary.
People aren't tidy and things often aren't neat, orderly and logical. One of my pet peeves is the difference between what people say and what they do. It's like the old message of parents to children -- Don't do what I do, do what I say...sorry gang but actions really do speak louder than words. I work with computers and they are totally logical at all times. People aren't. But, for all the problems, I greatly prefer people.
...the omission of Bisexuals from the SF parade list was a total oversight on my part -- I just typed it wrong. I hope that my writings convey my sense of inclusion. It is my intent to include everyone and will continue to do my best to be as inclusive as practical in my writings. When I fail it is not my heart but my brain-pen.
There is a tremendous amount of TRANSPHOBIA loose in the world and within our community. We need to work to diminish its hold on people. I believe that attempts to force people to face and accept something that they aren't ready for results in driving them away. We may be able to pressure people to change their external actions but that doesn't change their hearts. We only drive the prejudice under the surface. As soon as the pressure is removed, the old garbage comes back out. I believe that we have to accept people where they are -- including those with highly prejudicial views about something, and work with them over time to gradually help them to change their views.
One of the problems we face is a lack of acceptance of others who are different but that isn't THE ISSUE. The SPICE conference was very real and many people suffered from phobias of many sorts. It was crucial for them to be able to grow. It was crucial that they felt safe if any growth was to occur. Had they been forced to deal with others, the conference would have lost them and done nothing to reduce prejudice. We need to apply continuous pressure to get people to change. In so doing, we need to take into account where they are and how they got there and find ways to acceptance without losing them. That means balancing what we want with what they are able to give or endure -- a delicate balancing act.