Much has been said about the gender community and whether it really exists. We have a wide variety of people with significantly different views that sometimes leads to bickering and fragmented actions. The best of families bicker, but they also have strong, common bonds that unite them and like any family we share powerful ties.
Society has created a firm but arbitrary connection between sex and gender. That link is the source of many of our problems but it can also be a unifying force. Our greatest common bond is that each of us in our own way is trying to bend, shift, stretch or break that culturally enforced link. That situation ought to provide ample incentive to build our family.
I believe there are three levels at which we benefit from integration rather than separation, and this principle is the core of all my messages -
Many of us have split our lives into distinct gender compartments and we would be healthier if we became a complete person.
Our community exists outside of the mainstream, and we gain greater freedom to be ourselves if we are an integral part of society.
Individuals and organizations often act independently, and we would achieve more if we cooperated fully on joint issues.
Who am I to say these things? I am a heterosexual, male cross-dresser whose feminine side began emerging at age five and has been a significant part of my personality ever since. In addition to a strong desire to wear women's clothing my softer side is also manifested in emotional sensitivity. Society tells me that a man shouldn't indulge in these things and doing so indicates something is wrong. The positive attraction of cross-dressing coupled with societal disapproval taught me to hide my true self by creating my feminine alter-ego Rachel.
At first this appeared to be the solution to my dilemma as it enabled me to express my other side but trouble soon returned. Constantly feeling socially unacceptable caused such stress that I could not continue to live that way. That trauma finally overcame my fear of self-discovery and led me on a quest to find answers.
I came to understand the various facets of my sexual and emotional makeup and that society was wrong in labeling men with feminine tendencies as defective. With that discovery came acceptance of myself exactly as I was. In time Richard and Rachel merged, and I found the happiness of being at peace.
While this new understanding gave me internal peace it didn't help others. I felt compelled to emerge from my closet, share my story and educate society. My wife Marsha encouraged me to record my thoughts and I wrote a book to share these ideas about change.
Especially today, change is an important aspect of business. One of the primary factors in successfully changing conditions is our perspective or point of view. I design computer systems to improve business processes and would often say, "Boss, we have a PROBLEM!" He insisted that it was an opportunity for improvement. I thought it was a word game until I saw that this view allowed me to concentrate on finding ways to make the situation better. Seeing the tremendous opportunities facing our gender family, I decided to focus on ways to improve our situation.
To heal our pain and suffering and prevent it from entering the lives of the next generation, we must change. None of us can do it alone but each of us can do something. We can all participate because we have common goals that transcend our differences.
Where does the journey of integration for our gender family begin? It begins here! When does it begin? It begins now! Who makes it happen? Each of us contributes to making it happen!
"I am only one;
but still I am one.
I cannot do everything,
but still I can do something;
I will not refuse to do the something I can do."
Helen Keller
