Spiritual Abuse
The law shows that we are all sinners in God’s eyes; that no matter how good we think we are, we too need to rely on His grace. We should be concerned with improving our relationship with God, not with judging others.
Matthew 6:9-15 This, then, is how you should pray: Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Matthew 7:1-5 Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, Let me take the speck out of your eye, when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.
Luke 6:37-38 Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
Jesus' demand here is to exhibit forgiveness, not to condemn or be judgmental. The Scriptures admonish us that if we choose to judge others, God will in turn judge us just as harshly. Judgment belongs to God. Jesus asserts that the judgmental person, by not being forgiving and loving, testifies to his own arrogance and impenitence, by which such individuals shut themselves out from God's forgiveness. Jesus does not say it is wrong to help a fellow Christian remove the speck of dust in his eye, but it is wrong for a person with a "plank" in his eye to offer help. That is sheer hypocrisy. But when a brother in a meek and self-judging spirit removes the log in his own eye, he has the responsibility of helping his brother remove his speck.
Those verses are a clear indication that Jesus doesn’t intend for us to be absorbed in judging others. Yet, when I sent an email newsletter entitled, Let the Walls Fall Down, calling for a less-judgmental approach, most of the bricks from the walls fell down on me.
Religious organizations, churches, ministers and members can exert leadership to change the existing attitudes. Consider demonstrating the love exemplified in this song that I learned at a local church.
Let The Walls Fall Down
One by one we're drawn together,
One by one to Jesus' side,
One in Him we'll live forever,
Strangers He has reconciled.
In His love no walls between us,
In His love a common ground.
Kneeling at the cross of Jesus,
All our pride comes tumbling down.
(Chorus)
Let the walls fall down,
Let the walls fall down,
Let the walls fall down,
By His love let the walls fall down.
Bill Batstone, Anne Barbour & John Barbour
1993 Maranatha! Music
While we have differing beliefs and value systems, we must find ways to demonstrate real love and concern towards real people with real problems. Together we can achieve freedom of spiritual expression by making the transgendered walls fall down.
I was shocked by the volume of angry, nasty responses from religious leaders…
Hey Pervert – The truth is you are reprobate and going to hell. That is love. That is the truth. You are going to HELL. Deut 22:5 The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God. God said that. You make God a liar if you think your perversion is OK. Go ahead in your perversion and delusion. In less than 2 years you will be burning in hell for eternity. Anybody that loves you would tell you the truth. If you want to believe a lie you can go to hell just don't rub your perversion in my face anymore and expect anything but the truth from the word of God. Pastor Jim
I do not wish to carry on rhetoric with you or anyone else with such a slant. I, indeed, am very sympathetic to homosexuals, cross-dressers and the like, but am unwilling to accept their lifestyles. I will certainly be more than happy to open my office doors to counsel with any sinner - be it you or anyone else who may not fully understand the implications of continuing in sin! I could really shed some light for you and your friends concerning what motivates you to do such as you do. I spend most of my time counseling with people who know their sins and who desire to change and live above those sins. I have very little time to spend with those who cannot accept their deviant lifestyles as sin and are unwilling to listen to "sound" and "biblical" reasoning. God bless and good luck at finding a sympathetic ear, but the _____ Church is not where you should be if you're seeking to change it to accept your lifestyle. Rev. Charles
I labeled them One Shot Spiritual Cowboys because they acted like cowboys carrying a spiritual gun. When they see a "sinner," they assume a position of righteous indignation, load the appropriate Biblical verse (in this case Deuteronomy 22:5) into their gun and squeeze the trigger thus slaying another sinner for Christ and never once looking at themselves. Then they holster their gun and, armed with the knowledge of all the sinful practices mentioned in the Bible, ride off in search of another sinner. Although some said they cared for me, loved me or were praying for me, their lack of a return response made a mockery of those statements.
Here is my standard follow-up note to which they never responded.
"My biggest problem is that most religious leaders leap to the assumption that anyone who cross-dresses under any condition is a sinner in need of repentance. Before judging me as a rebellious sinner in need of repentance, please reflect on the following:
"I can only find one specific reference to the subject of cross-dressing in the Bible -- "A woman must not wear men's clothing, and a man must not wear women's clothing." Deuteronomy 22:5. There are many interpretations of the text. Probably the most common is that it was a prohibition of the cross-dressing that was done in some pagan worship services and it was mostly about the worshipping of false gods and various related sexual activities. Another is that women sometimes dressed like men to participate in worship service activities that were reserved for men; hence the prohibition listed women first. Some commentaries say it is a strict prohibition. Others say it clearly isn't. In any event there are many opinions from serious writers. Given the lack of clarity on this matter, I believe it is wrong for "The Church" to look at Deut 22:5 and automatically brand a cross-dresser as a sinner. With that great variety of interpretation, how can "the church" take an absolute stand?
"If we are to condemn men for this activity, what do we say about today's women, including those in the church, who do in fact wear clothing that is considered men's clothes. They don't seem to get condemned for their actions. How do we explain that?
"I believe that we need to look at the specific circumstances to see what is really going on with the individual person before making any kind of judgment. While we commonly use one single label to cover all cross-dressers, there is an almost infinite variety of people and circumstances. No one label can possibly apply. My point is to put a stop to the universal branding of any kind of cross-dressing as a sin requiring repentance and consider the idea that the Bible may not actually be condemning a man simply for wearing a dress. I hope you can understand and accept that position. If the church took that approach, then we would be able to have discussions about what is going on and deal with it in a constructive way.
"I think some real dialog is needed before rushing to judgment."
Their silence was deafening…Some did engage in "dialog" but they all started out spring-loaded to the - You-are-a-guilty-sinner-in-need-of-repentance position. Regardless of what I said, none of them changed their opinion about me being a sinner. Only one directly addressed my question about how to deal with the various interpretations ascribed to Deuteronomy 22:5 and he dismissed them. Many continued to cling to a literal interpretation. Others sidestepped my quotes and questions and fired other Biblical verses at me in an attempt to prove their point. In a legal setting, their replies would be described as non-responsive.
Some were slightly less dogmatic and stopped short of absolutely condemning me, but they still left me hanging, guilty as charged. It was frustrating to be condemned and yet be unable to get my accusers to directly address the questions that I posed. I felt that I had returned to my grade school catechism days. If I was treated so poorly while using God's Word, where does someone stand who doesn't know the Scripture and hasn't worked out any issues for himself? What chance does he have to reach God through these ministers?
Although most stuck close to the Scriptures it became readily apparent that there was more to some of the comments than pure religious prohibitions. Many negative stereotypical views slipped in. I was not surprised since there is significant inaccurate information about transvestism, but I was disappointed that they made little effort to obtain greater understanding even though for many this was their first significant encounter with a cross-dresser. When they asked questions, they often indicated that they didn't want to know the answer.
The attacks were so vicious that there were many nights that I would come downstairs near tears. They said very hurtful things. What I learned was that if someone starts using Scripture to attack you and put you down, run, do not walk, away! Unless you are very strong, don’t try to argue with them on their terms because you will lose.
It is difficult to accept that our religious leaders may be wrong but problems occur in every profession. It is much like battered women finally being heard. We must not assume that all religious leaders are right and will do the right thing.
If you want more details of their responses, see the lengthy dialogs with --
Jesus was full of love and compassion for "sinners" but there was one group that He roundly criticized. That group was the religious leaders of the day, the Scribes and Pharisees, and Jesus denounced them for ceremonialism, selfishness, ambition, self-exaltation, hypocrisy, sins of omission, burdening His people, worrying about outward appearance and inner corruption. Behavior much like what we’ve seen here. If you want to get the full impact of His view, read the 23rd Chapter of the Gospel of Matthew.
Fortunately, there are religious leaders who recognize this problem within their own ranks and the most therapeutic response for me was --
Non carborundi illegitimati.
(Don't let the bastards wear you down.)
Pastor R.E.
If you have difficulty in standing up against the misuse of religious power, I strongly urge you to get a copy of -- The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse by David Johnson & Jeff VanVonderen…
"Spiritual abuse is the mistreatment of a person who is in need of help, support or greater spiritual empowerment, with the result of weakening, undermining or decreasing that person’s spiritual empowerment. Spiritual abuse is a real phenomenon that actually happens in the body of Christ. It is a subtle trap in which the ones who perpetrate spiritual abuse on others are just as trapped in their unhealthy beliefs and actions as those whom they, knowingly or unknowingly, abuse.
There are some churches…where leaders use their spiritual authority to control and dominate others, attempting to meet their own needs for importance, power, intimacy or spiritual gratification. Through the subtle use of the right 'spiritual' words, church members are manipulated or shamed into certain behaviors or performance that ensnares in legalism, guilt and begrudging service.
Too many in the body of Christ are not encouraging wounded, struggling people to begin their healing by resting in the grace of God, but rather to work harder for the benefits of salvation. And if these "formulas" are questioned, those in spiritual authority often feel threatened. Protecting a doctrine, or their own position, they turn on the very ones who have come seeking help….My deepest desire is that this will be a source of help and healing to both victims and perpetrators of spiritual abuse."
An excellent on-line resource is the web site of Dr. Rembert Truluck, which addresses Steps to Recovery from Bible Abuse. It focuses on the issues of GLBT people and provides links to many related resources.
By now you should understand that there is nothing intrinsically wrong with cross-dressing from a Christian spiritual perspective, and that you don’t have to allow yourself to be condemned by any religious leader.
Religious leaders who automatically judge you as a sinner,
Are guilty of Spiritual Abuse.
Don’t listen to them!
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